The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou (2004)

It's a Patreon poll winner! Well, technically, it tied, but this was the one that didn't have subtitles, so, same same. Wes Anderson's The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou (2004) was a commercial flop, but will it perform better with an aquatic audience than it did with land-based audiences? Do you need to have seen Jacques Cousteau's films to get the jokes? What the heck is an IMU? These and others are the questions that, uh, we ask, while, you know, watching this movie. And talking about it. On a podcast.

Kingdom of Heaven (2005)

This time we're delving into the... is it alright to call it a cult classic? The reviled-in-it's-theatrical-cut-but-beloved-in-it's-director's-cut-version Ridley Scott epic, Kingdom of Heaven, form 2005, starring Orlando Bloom and Eva Green.

A period drama about the crusades, Kingdom of Heaven tells the story of a guy who's somehow just a bit better at everything than everybody else who shows up in the middle of a bunch of crazy religious people and is asked to fix everything and then angrily ignored until it's unsalvageable. As a relatively lucid American living through the early 21st century, I have never felt more seen. Put your parallel-recognizin' hats on and float along with us, will you?

Bram Stoker's Dracula (1992)

Matinee Manatees is taking a stand: if they can play carols during October, we can watch spooky movies in December! We go back to the Halloween season well with Francis Ford Coppola's "Bram Stoker's Dracula" from 1992, the movie that dares to ask: just how horny can a person get before the rest of us need to cut their head off? Turns out: very. Float along with the manatees through OCEANS OF TIME as they ask the important questions, like: do vampires just really like empires in decline? What season did the Simpsons really jump the shark? And, of course, could Dracula run a successful mayoral campaign in the contemporary US? They also talk about the movie. You know, a little.

Frankenstein Unbound (1990)

It's October again, and you know what that means: spooky movies! Or at least, movies we think are going to be spooky until we actually watch them. This month, we checked out Roger Corman's "Frankenstein Unbound" from 1990, starring friends of the show William Hurt and Raul Julia. A bizarre mashup of Frankenstein, Back to the Future, Knight Rider, and Army of Darkness, and starring some of our favorite actors, we were shocked that we hadn't heard of this movie before. Until we saw it. Then it kinda made sense.

Float along with the manatees as they discuss paradoxes, an embarrassingly outdated understanding of neurology, and what is and isn't an acceptable way to treat a car, and whether or not this should have been an episode of Star Trek. Don't worry, it's not actually all that scary (although definitely watch the movie in question first if you plan on showing it to any kids).

A Knight's Tale (2001)

Sorry we're late, half of us had covid! He's actually fine, he just had no voice for a while. And his personality is odd, but that's normal.

This month we revisited the 2001 cult classic A Knight's Tale! Written and directed by Brian Helgeland and starring the late great Heath Ledger, A Knight's Tale is a mostly light anachronistic romantic comedy sports movie period piece coming of age tale... kind of. The manatees talk accents, pasta, what music even existed in medieval times, and whether or not the main character even needs an antagonist. Also, there's like a solid half hour of catching up on account of the aforementioned covid, so this one's EXTRA sleep inducing. (Or you can skip forward.) Float along with us and have a movie night, why doncha?

Dragonheart (1996)

We don't know about you guys but we could use some silly escapism. This month, the manatees are checking out 1996's Dragonheart!

Directed by Rob Cohen and starring Dennis Quaid and the voice of Sean Connery, Dragonheart was one of our hosts' favorite movies when he was a child. But does it hold up to an adult audience? (Of course not.) But it does prove particularly rich springboard for ranting about Dungeons and Dragons, Patrick Stewart, the differences between accents and speech impediments, the differences between house flipping and scalping (hint: there are none), and recent peer-pressured forays into the Romantasy genre of smut novels (have you all heard about that one yet?). It's been so long since we talked that we ramble on for about six hours. Might get more than one night out of this one!

Dark City (1998)

It's another patron episode! This month we've been directed to watch 1998's Dark City, a flop at the time but a cult classic in the decades since. Directed by friend of the show Alex Proyas from The Crow and starring Rufus Sewell and William Hurt, Dark City asks the same question we've all been asking ourselves: what if The Matrix had the guy from Hellraiser? And boy, does it deliver. Come float along with us and see for yourself how telekinesis can be used poorly, whether spirals are always as mysterious as you might think, and why sometimes less is more with 1998's Dark City.

Doom (2005)

We're going back to video game movies with 2005's Doom! Directed by Andrzej Bartkowiak and starring John (the Wayne) Rockson and Karl Urban, Doom is very dark. Not thematically, we mean, like, brightness-wise. While the Doom video game revolves around sci-fi technology accidentally opening a portal to hell, the Doom movie revolves more around sci-fi technology intentionally opening a portal to a lab where an extra chromosome turns people into monsters from Resident Evil. Float along with the manatees as they try to feel their way through the inky darkness that is this movie. Sam renames the entire cast of characters, Ben introduces a tough new standard for bodybuilders in cinema, both discuss whether making Down Syndrome a villain-defining superpower in your script is a good idea (probably not, eh?). This one's a lot, gang!

Die Hard (1988)

Merry Christmas/Kwanzaa/Hanukkah/Pancha Ganapati/Festivus/Yule/Saturnalia, one and all! To try to drag themselves into the holiday spirit, the manatees are staying in 1988 for another month to check out one of the most hotly debated is-it-a-Christmas-movie classics of all time, Die Hard! Directed by John McTiernan and starring Matinee Manatee alums Bruce Willis and Alan Rickman, Die Hard is the story of a rogue super cop with nothing to lose named Carl Winslow before he started his family, singlehandedly saving a building full of hostages using only a walkie talkie and a hapless civilian on the inside named John.

The manatees dive right in to get at the important unanswered questions surrounding this classic, such as: does fear of flying usually strike after you land? Is it possible that Cybill Shepherd has a manatee child? And of course, what's the best way to consume the writing of Karl Marx? As a bonus, you'll get a free pitch for a Hallmark movie and AND advice on proper cocaine party etiquette absolutely free. Why? Because we love you. Happy Holidays, everybody!

Pumpkinhead (1988)

It's spooky season again! This time around we're watching the 1988 cult classic "Pumpkinhead" one of only two movies directed by special effects legend Stan Winston. At a tight hour and twenty-six minutes, it's the perfect fun-sized movie that's tragically fallen out of fashion since. But is it any good? Float along with the manatees as they get into the pulp of Pumpkinhead and ask the important questions, like: just what IS that big bug sound effect? What are the pros and cons of naming a child Bunt? Would becoming a pumpkinhead even be a bad retirement plan? And, when exactly did we become a bimonthly podcast? (Sorry!) Hope you like monsters; we're a bit divided ourselves.

The Prophecy (1995)

Apparently there were like a lot of movies about angels in the 90s, and 1995's The Prophecy is one of them. Written and directed by our old friend Gregory Widen of Highlander fame, and starring most of the cast of Pulp Fiction (but mostly Christopher Walken), this strange little movie feels like mixing terminators and vampires and cowboys but somehow being about none of those things. Plus, Viggo Mortensen shows up as the devil. Float along and check out this odd curio with us! I mean, you know, if you feel like it.

Men In Black (1997)

Aliens, you guys! This month we checked out the classic (?) 1997 movie Men In Black, starring Will Smith and Tommy Lee Jones, but mostly starring Vincent D'Onofrio and his mime skills. The second Barry Sonnenfeld - Will Smith project to feature on this podcast, Men In Black is what we assume Wild Wild West wanted to be but wasn't. Float along with the manatees while they talk fashion, comics, aliens, secret coverups, and the art of zen slacking with this summer blockbuster from (almost) thirty years ago, and relax.

3000 Miles To Graceland (2001)

We're back!

Life circumstances, you know how it goes, sorry for the quiet month. To make it up to you, we've forced ourselves to sit through probably the single largest collection of missed opportunities we've ever seen: 2001's "3000 Miles To Graceland"! Starring Kurt Russel and Kevin Costner, 3000 Miles To Graceland is a series of largely unconnected vignettes that purport to have something to do with Elvis, but with a very few exceptions, don't. Not quite a heist movie, not quite a roadtrip movie, not quite a concert movie, and not quite a crime movie, 3000 Miles To Graceland is really more of a... um. It's, uh. Well, it's certainly a movie. But was it really as bad as the box office returns suggest? Float along with us and find out, why don't you.

Dante's Peak (1997)

New episode is up!

We're back and we're checking out another Patreon poll winner: the 1997 disaster movie Dante's Peak! Directed by Roger Donaldson and starring Pierce Brosnan and Linda Hamilton, Dante's Peak was one of two big volcano movies to come out in 1997, but the only one to take a scientific eye and really address those age old volcano questions, like: What if a volcano erupted like three times? What would that do? Would it look kind of cool? What if you, like, drove through lava? And others! This one's like two completely different movies, folks. Really something else.

Elf (2003)

Happy Holidays everybody!

This year the manatees are going a little more recent for the 20th birthday of a modern classic Christmas movie, 2003's Elf! Directed by Jon Favreau and starring Will Ferrell and James Caan, Elf is a colorful little modern-day fairy tale that's pretty much appropriate for all ages and moves along at a good clip. But how compelling is it really? The manatees talk red flags in dating coworkers, the inner workings of hybrid engines, commiserate on the pros and cons of being the biggest guy in a workshop, and wind up talking a lot about video games. Float along with us and enjoy the season, won't you?

Jingle All The Way (1996)

Happy Black Friday week everybody!

In the spirit of the holidays (consumerism) we're rewatching the widely reviled but oddly charming holiday flop Jingle All the Way, starring Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sinbad, and directed by Brian Levant. It's almost thirty years old! You've probably heard of this one; it's almost universally panned by critics but has its fans regardless, and we're going to find out if we're among them. Float along with the manatees as they tackle the important questions like: should bodybuilders' kids be played by other bodybuilders? How do masks work, exactly? And of course, just how many daylight hours are there in Minnesota in December? Literally none of these will be answered satisfactorily. Come take a nap!

The Thing (1982)

Happy Halloween, everyone!

We're taking a look John Carpenter's 1982 classic, The Thing! Starring Kurt Russell, Keith David, Wilford Brimley, and a bunch of other guys in parkas. While it was a flop at its release, The Thing has become a cult classic since and appears on just about every top 100 list of horror movies ever made, famous both for its special effects and for its paranoid psychological tone. But does it deserve the hype? Float along with the manatees as they tackle the important questions like: is the monster kinda dumb? Are flamethrowers normal de-icing equipment? And, are we sure this ending is actually ambiguous? Among others. Take a look-see if you've got a strong stomach, or maybe skip this month if scary movies aren't your thing, but we're diving right in.

Conan the Barbarian (1982)

At long last, the manatees are covering the famous story beloved around the world about a long-haired bronze age man who was crucified by an evil empire and then rose from the dead to save us all from the serpent... Conan the Barbarian! The 1982 version, starring Arnold Schwarzenegger, Sandahl Bergman, and James Earl Jones, directed by John Milius, and featuring a soundtrack by the incomparable Basil Poledouris, this sword-and-sandahl epic (GET IT?!?) has remained above all its imitators since through sheer style and unconventional casting choices. But does it hold up?

Float along with the manatees as they tackle the important questions like: how much of paleolithic history do we actually know about anyway? Is there any combination of ingredients that make it a good idea to serve soup at an orgy? And of course, that age-old industry calculus: is it better to invest in oxen or orphan power for your mill? Get the answers to these and other pressing questions, or just nod off and dream of being exceptionally large, with the manatees and Conan.

Lamentations!

Troll 2 (1990)

It had to happen. We finally check out the infamous, the legendary, the nigh-on-indescribable work that defined a generation, 1990's Troll 2. Directed by Claudio Fragasso and starring Michael Paul Stephenson, George Hardy, and Deborah Reed, Troll 2 has exactly zero connection to the movie Troll and indeed zero trolls in it. But does it deserve the reputation and cult following that it has? Float along with the manatees to the mysterious town of Nilbog as they talk sorcery, lavender dating, geography, and what makes a life well lived while trying to decode this mind-bending work that the world still isn't ready for and probably never will be.

Twister (1996)

We're returning to the 90's well with 1996's "Twister", directed by Jan de Bont and starring Helen Hunt and Bill Paxton. Twister is an interesting attempt at making a natural disaster movie by making a slasher movie and replacing the slasher with a twister. But does it work? Well... that's debatable. The manatees have more pressing concerns, like: just how complicated is barrel opening? Could a catapult solve this entire situation? And aren't the bad guys way better guys than the good guys here? Float along with us to find out the answer to these and other pressing questions.